Am I in actual love?? I hate not talking to him now… I’m addicted to him… His voice, his touch, his kiss… His dick… I wanna be his one and only. We already have a kid together… But it’s just recently I realized, how much I just love being in his company, how much I love him touching me… Just everything… I’ve NEVER felt like this with any guy… I THOUGHT I was falling for Chris, but when he did what he did, I saw how dumb I was being. But this one, it’s, at least I hope it is, for real. Only problem is, we have so much shit in our way, that if he felt that way about me like I believe he does, we can’t be like we wanna be. Truth is… If I didn’t straight up tell him to leave me alone after I chose to keep our daughter, we’ve probably would have been in that place, by now. Truth is… I missed him the moment I did what I did. Truth is… I was always “in love” with him.

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I fucked up, pulled him back into my life… Had an intimate moment with him and now I can’t get him off my mind. I should have left him alone… But I’m trying to get him to be in my… Our daughter’s life, but sometimes I wonder if I’m trying for the wrong reasons. Because I miss what we had. It was meant to be nothing but a fling, but nobody else has ever kissed me like he does, we rarely ever fight… Am I in love??? Nah. I can’t be… I miss it…him… It actually hurts NOW after having no contact with him for over 3 years, that we haven’t even texted in a week, but why?

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I’m so burnt out on everything. I don’t enjoy anything anymore, and honestly being a mom did it. I know I had control over that, but I was blinded by the dick [That’s what happened when I haven’t’ had any for 4 years.]

Anyways, I’m especially getting burnt out from my job, dealing with all the ‘changes’, and all the idiots I have to work with… being a YouTuber is becoming more and more appealing. Being able to be at home all day… “working” whenever I want. I know there’s a ton of work that has to go into it. I have to learn how to edit videos, record… get some goddamn confidence. Being a single mom is gonna make it harder.

Man, I really need to update this site. I don’t even know what to do with it, anymore. Before I had my daughter, I had all the time, energy… I actually don’t know if it’s actually burn out or depression. A vacation from work is what I need to get myself together, but I used all my vacay days at the beginning of the year, due to the fact we had a shit-ton of days off because of lack of work. I could get non-paid days, but I keep getting ‘threatened’. I know they ain’t gonna do anything, because I’m one of the best workers they have. I’m just tired of the threats.

I’m seriously wanting to be a YouTuber, mainly because I wanna actually finish a game, lol, and maybe that’s motivate me to do so.

Anyways that’s all I got.

<3 Phyx

PS. Comments still don’t work…

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So I’m done with the Humble Bundle giveaways right now. Many have been claimed. So until the games pile up again, it’s over. Nothing new is happening in my life. I’m struggling to get my inspiration back up to do anything… with this site, my life. I don’t even make graphics anymore. What to do….

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